For my Daughter Delya

As we chatted on the day I was suppose to see you, I felt like you were defending Cathy.  I was not attacking her.  I am grateful for her being in your life, I am grateful she allowed me to show up and see you unannounced throughout the years, I am grateful she loves you enough to let us know each other, I am grateful that you have turned eighteen and still under her roof. I can go on about the things I am grateful for , yet you spoke to me of respect.  I know how to respect other people, for where and how I was raised is way different then the California ways. Which brings me to something else I am grateful for, I am grateful for you being raise in a small town. There has only been one time that we visited where we did not have adult supervision, that was the night you learned who I really am to you.  Not trying to be cruel, but have you been told of how you came to be adopted?  You were turning 18 months old and they wanted full adoption of you. What sealed the deal for me to sign the paper work with the judge is that if I did not then they were going to put you back into the system.  I just could not allow these people, as sweet as they seemed, to put you into the system. I mean, after all they had you since you were three days old. Signing that piece of paper releasing you to they was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. So, let me ask you…Do they love you as much as you love them? I believe they do. Have you always been clothed, fed, and a roof over your head? I know this to be true. Do you feel you have been raised where you don’t have any regrets being adopted? This, I again, believe you were raised proper. I am not looking to cause any friction between any of us, so telling me something said by Cathy that may be in a negative content towards me, about me, or of me…then I don’t need to know it. I have worked real hard to achieve the things I have and looking forward to accomplishing my future goals I set for myself.  I traveled 1/2 around the world. I did this myself for Christmas last year….last year for my birthday I went sky diving…..this year for Christmas I bought myself a car (a really nice car)….and for this years birthday I am taking a Nationwide trip with many stops a long the way while looking to fly out to Scotland. Twice a year every year I give myself a present. Working on each time the next one being better than the last present. I believe in myself, and really don’t care if any one else believes in me, because I do. I am a responsible person who does pay my own bills. How else would I have been to live 12 years in one house with 1/2 that time living a lone, and 7 years in the apartment I am residing in now?


Story A, B, and C inserts (The Life of Char Carradine)

Story A

We met for my visit at JC Penny cause Kathy needed to do some shopping.  So Kathy is going about her shopping while I had Delya.  As I watched Kathy get lost in her shopping, I notice she had realized she had lost track of me and Delya.  She looks up , to her right , and then to her left where Delya and I stood there watching her.  Seeing the sign of relief that I did not take a chance and run off with Delya., What life would that have brought for my daughter.  That was the day she knew that in spite of the CPS office, she could trust me not to run off with my daughter.

Story B

Teresa (who is no longer with us in this world) and I took Teresa’s one and only visit to the Devine’s home to visit with Delya. After about an hour and a half, I watched Delya and Teresa interact with each other at the piano. I could not tell what they were talking about as  I watched them through a sliding glass door. Later that evening Teresa talked to me about her visit she had with Delya at the piano. She told me Delya was telling her about the keys on the piano and what sounds they make when the keys are pushed. Also how when more than one key is pushed together what sounds they would make. Although I heard no music that day, I couldn’t help but be proud of my daughter around the age of four not only playing the piano for Teresa, but explains the piano to Teresa as she played. Seeing the expression on Teresa’s face as she explained the event to me . I couldn’t help but be proud and impressed with my baby girl.

Story C

There are two times in the interactions of Jason and I which he showed me the love that only a child could show. (There are many more but these two stand out the most for me)  There were times when I would be gone for more than a month or two, and when I would return to his homestead. The expression on his face and actions when he’d see me truly showed me the love of a child, and that I was truly missed. The first time that I knew he missed me and was surprised to see me is when I walked in the door. He did not know I was there when he came out of the back room just in a world of his own. Suddenly he freezes where he was, looks up at me, and says with the softest affectionate voice says my name. The way he said it warmed my heart. Then leaping into my arms showed me even more that I was missed.

The 2nd time was when I was pregnant with Delya and returned home to Louisiana for two weeks.  Now Jason knows I was taking the train to where I was going and I guess he assumed that was the way I was getting home also.  Now where he was living at the time the freight train passes by his home anywhere from 6 to 8 times a day. I was gone  from 13 to 17 days and was told that just about every time the train went by , Jason would point at the train and say , “Char, Train< Char”. It did not matter if it was day or night and if the train woke him up he would ask about me and the train, if I was on the one passing by.  I will always love Jason for giving his love. “I love you high like the sky and deep like the sea.” Well, Jason, I will always love you like that…